Death and his friend Regret

My grandpa passed away this morning.

Like clockwork he woke up early as always and went to do some exercise at the local park with grandma, it’s more like stretching for half an hour than actual exercise but thats the way old people are I suppose. After that my grandparents would go yum cha with their friends, walking there after their exercise session. They would always go to the same place, they would always wash the cups because they don’t trust the cleanliness of the place. It was the common thing to do in their generation and I never wondered why they kept doing it even in this day and age. Apparently he felt really tired after yum cha, so they went home and he had a nap; but when my grandma woke up grandpa didn’t wake up with her.

I was more or less raised by my grandparents when I was very little, say 1-4 years old, because my parents both worked, so the majority of the time was spent with them babysitting me. Every time I went back to Hong Kong I would stay with them whilst I was there and they have always taken care of me when I went. My granddad was a funny man, he drank a lot and was very sociable; it seemed like everybody knew him well. He was also very smart and savvy, I guess it comes with life experience, but he was very up to date with things and was able to associate well with people from different generations.

He seemed like he would be around forever. Not in this case.

It’s a funny thing when someone you love dies. It’s funnier still when you didn’t know how much you loved them. You don’t know what reaction to have until you feel the tears well up in your eyes and go “Hey, thats sadness”. The lump in your throat doesn’t let you say anything to reassure yourself and you are filled with emptiness. It’s like all your emotions have been expelled into these tears, leaving a nothing behind until the void fills up again; who knows when that will be.

Logic and reason has no time nor place amongst here; no matter how much I think about the fact that it’s an event that I have no control over, or how regret does nothing, I still feel so sad. I wish I spent more time with him and learnt more about him and his life; I told myself once upon a time I would ask him someday about his life, and find out what type of person he was. Now I will never be able to hear it from him, how he felt in certain situations in his life, what he has done and how he passed through life.

Now all I know is that he has passed away, and that is that.